It’s 2am. Your phone rings. That loud obnoxious ringtone you set all your mommas birth calls too. You jump as soon as you hear it. Instant panic sets in thinking, “oh no. Did I miss something? How long has she been calling?” You answer. “Hey Sarah, this is Amanda, we are headed to the hospital, I think I am in labor.” You sit up, your mind starts immediately planning how this is going to go down. Ok, you breathe for a second. It will take some time to have this baby. You sit on pins and needles waiting for another call to see how far dilated she is, if she is indeed IN labor. Your husband is laying next to you. But you know that in 4 hours, he is getting up and has to be at work by 7:00am. Where he works 24 hour shifts. Both kids are sound asleep. One of them has to be on the bus and to school by 9:00am. The other needs a babysitter all day. The phone rings again. Momma is only 2cm. (whew, you sigh a huge sigh of relief). You lay there for another second, planning in your head. You get another phone call, just kidding. “Baby is breech, we are heading in for a c-section within an hour.” Shit. (Yes I said it.) You get up, quietly get dressed, brush your teeth, gently nudge your husband to let him know, you have to leave. Thank God for my mother who helps us. I quickly, grab my camera bag that is all ready for me and head out the door. Luckily, My Mom doesn’t have to be at work until 8:30. Luckily, I have three babysitters to hopefully help with my village. I know that it’s a duty day for my husband, that also means that babysitter A (lol) should be available! I send her a text, and let her know whats going on. (yep, at 3am! haha my poor babysitters) My mom is available to take both of my kids to the sitters. This means one child has to be taken to school. Thank GOD for people who genuinely have no problem helping me! On top of that, I have a really sensitive 6 year old who acts like he is the toughest boy in the world, but in reality… is a worry wort and gets upset when his Mom isn’t there to get him off to school. Both kids are a handful in the morning. Gosh I hope they are ok for my Mom and don’t give her any problems. My mind is spinning and I have a pain in my stomach hoping this all works out in the morning. I always feel bad. I feel bad for putting others out. I feel bad for making people drop what they are doing to help me, so I can do my job. It’s not easy.
That’s just ONE scenario. Just one.
I really really do love my job. But lets talk about back up photographers for a second. It literally takes a village. You have GOT to have a good support system to do this. You have plans on a Friday night for a hockey game with your husband and some of your favorite friends. Thursday night, you get a call that a Momma is in labor. Yes, babies come on THEIR own time. You can’t predict it. When it’s time, it’s time. You wait around all day Thursday for Momma to have baby. and while you are frustrated for her and her 24+ labor. You realize that time is passing and you’re getting closer and closer to that 7pm hockey game. 4:00 rolls around and you’re still not home, still at the hospital, and baby is not here yet. You have to call your friends and your husband to let them know, sorry you can’t go. You can tell your husband is instantly upset about it. In your head you think “it’s just a hockey game”. but in reality, you’re missing something that was important to him. And quite frankly, you were looking forward to a night out too. So sadly, you have to miss out, again. And everyone else misses out too. The tickets go to waste.
Next… For example… The month of May is CRAZY. Legitimately, busy. My son turns 7 on May 11th. and you know what. I CANNOT miss his birthday, or his birthday party. OR his Mothers day lunch at school, etc. and I hate missing his baseball games. My heart breaks at the thought of it. This is where my second part of the village comes into play. My back up photographers. I have chosen my backup photographers because I trust them and have complete confidence in them. and you know what? They will be there when I can’t. I absolutely REFUSE to miss out on my kids lives because of this job. I REFUSE to make them suffer. THEN, there is my husband, I don’t want to let him down either. My mind spins. and THEN lastly, myself. I cannot miss out on every single thing in life because of this job. I would end up hating it. I would end up dreading it and resenting it. No, I can’t do that to myself. While, I do miss out on SO much. There are some things I have to put my foot down and say, this is important to me. I CANT miss it and I won’t. I am literally on call ALL THE TIME. I’m basically like a Doctor. Without the pay or the title 😉 haha! Doctors and midwives have back up…. So do I! There is such a fine line between work and play. I am my own boss. I make my own schedule. and while that sounds all peachy and pretty sweet, its hard! When is my designated work time? Should I be playing with my kids? or should I be working? Gosh, I have SO much to do. The house needs cleaned, the laundry needs put away. Oh ugh, it’s time to go to the grocery store again. I know I am not alone in this. All small business owners struggle with this and wonder if they are doing enough or doing it the right way. First and foremost, I am a Mom. Nothing will come between that. Not even my job. I would hope that in this line of work, my clients would understand that. I just want to be clear that yes, I will still live my life while trying to photograph THE most important days of your lives. BUT I will not sacrifice everything in my life for this job. I don’t want to look back some day and say, man I wish I would have played with my kids more. I wish I wouldn’t have put my work first. No one will ever look back and say, “gosh I wish I would have worked more.” It’s just reality.
Emails. Can I vent about emails? I hate answering emails. Honest! It’s so time consuming. I am horrible at it, and I will admit it! If it’s not urgent it wont be answered right away. I refuse to answer emails from my phone. I already have my phone attached to my hip. I will not sit and reply to everyone on my phone. I will answer emails once or twice a week. Let’s get real, its probably even more than a week. I am human! Sometimes emails slip through my fingers. Sometimes, I accidentally delete them because my inbox marked them as spam. Sure it’s probably not 100% best for my business for me to be so slow at answering emails, but you know what, that’s ok! I am ok with that! I do my best. That’s all that matters. If I don’t respond to an email, feel free to email me again. Just try to understand as well 🙂 I appreciate it more than you know! I am NOT superwoman. Crazy right??! 😉 haha just kidding.
So, yes this is my job. and boy do I LOVE IT! I really do. But this is SO HARD. On myself and my village. Others are counting on you. To be there for the most important day of their lives. That is a lot to hold on your shoulders 24/7. I just wanted to write this to kind of get this off of my chest. Just like anything else in life, it’s not all butterflies and glitter. It is HARD. The waiting game is hard. With that being said… in the upcoming months (I still haven’t figured out exactly when) I will be making some changes to how I run things. I will not stay for 5+ hours after the birth of a baby anymore. UNLESS it is added on for an additional cost. I know this kind of stinks, and none of us have any say in how things are done after birth. It is up to the hospital. Which to me, hospital time is like football time. 4 minutes left in a quarter is really equivalent to 20 minutes 😉 In the last few months, I have waited and waited and waited. And after I have been there for 12+ hours already. I can’t keep doing that to myself. I KNOW this is an investment and you are probably thinking “well if I pay you all of that money to be at my birth, why can’t you just stay?” Trust me, I would think that too if I were on the other end and didn’t know all that went into this! My contract states I will stay for 1-2 hours after birth. I am going to have to start sticking to it. What is forgotten about is all the time I put into this at home as well!
Thank you for reading all of that! Hopefully I could shed some light into this little job of mine. Thank you all for supporting me! <3
